What can I say? I am a business owner and I live in a constant struggle within myself. The definition of bipolar disorder is, “a mental condition marked by alternating periods of elation and depression.” I have struggled all my life with this. Some days are better than others. I never thought that I would be a business owner of almost 3 years, because I would end up in prison, I was the dirt beneath someone’s feet and so on. These words stuck with me for a long time, however they do come back to haunt me. When life has you down it’s easier to hear those words then the positive ones.
I was told that I needed a business degree to be a business owner. It’s not true. I did go to a business college, until some unfortunate events happened which prevented me from getting to college and I got stuck with the bill regardless. I have had tremendous support from friends, family and even riders that have used my services and continue to use them. That support gives me strength even in my dark days. I get up every day, even when I want to just stay in bed. I deal with this disabling mental disorder, but I know in the back of my head that I am doing good in my community and with my life. Their are things that come up in my daily life that make it difficult to juggle my personal, business and social life and the stress does get to me which can be very overwhelming. It’s a war zone in my mind to shut out the dark and think about the positive words that have been said about me and the business and the huge support system I have.
Finances have a huge part in depression, especially with inflation. Many business have struggled because of the impact of inflation, especially small businesses. My business is still in its infancy, we are going on 3 years. We have survived a pandemic, insurance and energy costs, paying the government for being in business, maintenance costs and so much more. It makes it hard to have a savings to expand or for an emergency. I have opened 2 savings accounts and have had to close them because of all these burdens. I had to take from my retirement to help fund my business. Money is the world’s evil, but it helps us live. What is live spelled backwards? Evil. Money is the world’s evil. Anyone who owns a business wants their baby to thrive and grow. Just with a child, it’s not without its difficulty.
I have fought off so much not only in the physical world of life, but within my own mind. It is very possible to do, but not without hearing your inner saboteur. Whether you have named your inner saboteur, mine is Tommy the smack talker. He will do everything to bring me down and make it hard to succeed. I try my best to tell him to shut the hell up and let me live! We all have a Tommy and just like him we all have a bully that wants to bring us down. Some days are better then others, admittedly. We all have an inner demon that just won’t shut up. We have the power to let him or her ruin our days, but we have the power to tell them to sit down and shut the hell up and make the day a little bit brighter. I hope this helps many living with bipolar disorder and depression. I am with you on it that it is hard sometimes, but tell your Tommy or Tina to sit down and shut the hell up, because things do get better one way or another.
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